Leaving home

Students life

I still remember the feeling of leaving my parents’ house and living alone at 18. Do you?

I had spent time away from my parents before, but in most of those cases, I wasn’t truly on my own. There were always other people around in case I needed help. Living alone for the first time felt like a rite of passage. It was the first time I had to take care of myself and a household: cook, shop, manage my budget, pay bills… everything, by myself.

Granted, I was still receiving a monthly allowance from my parents as a student, but I was responsible for managing it and making ends meet. You stop being taken care of and start taking care of things.

From student to dancer

There was a live discussion the other day in Yelisaveta’s group about how, and when, someone stops being a student in Tango and starts being a dancer. The topic made me reflect on my journey.

TL;DR: I was forced to stop taking classes after two years of learning Tango in Greece because I had to move to Germany. Suddenly, I wasn’t a student anymore. There were no new sequences or techniques to learn, no teacher to correct me when I tried something that didn’t work. I had to take responsibility and grow my Tango by myself.

There was no one feeding me something new every week. If I wanted to keep improving, I had to choose what to work on, what teachers to follow, and what aspects to focus on. I had to educate myself. I was fully responsible for my own dance.

At the same time, I kept going to milongas because I loved it. And somewhere in that process, I shifted from being a student to becoming a dancer. Like a young adult who leaves their parents’ home to live their own life. It didn’t happen overnight, and I didn’t even notice it until this recent discussion.

The Greek family stereotypes

In Greek culture, one of the highest values is family. Families tend to stay very connected… something that comes with many advantages and disadvantages. One of the side effects is that many young people in their 20s or even 30s still live with their parents. The economic crisis in Greece made this even more common.

Some hesitate to leave the family home, even when they start new relationships or get married. Sometimes, apart from outside factors like income etc. their parents encourage them to stay home. Some parents even expect to have a say in their children’s lives well into adulthood. They believe their children owe them, and should pay them back by caring for them as they age. In many circles, putting a parent in a nursing home is still taboo. Especially if society believes you have the means to care for them yourself.

The Tango teacher as a parent

Do you see the parallel?

Have you ever heard of Tango teachers who keep their students for years? Who always find or invent something new to teach, just to keep their students feeling like they still have more to learn? That they are not ready yet to stop taking regular classes? If not, you might be lucky. But if you look around, I’m sure you’ll hear such stories. You’ll find examples.

Why does this happen? The obvious answer might be financial. Teachers need a stable income, and what is better than having a stable clientele of students? But there could be more to it. Some may be overprotective or perfectionists. Others may never help students build the confidence to take charge of their own dance. Maybe some are insecure themselves. Who knows? This is not the point of this text.

I once read a line by Miles that stayed with me:

“My objective as a Tango teacher is to become obsolete for my students.”

I believe that’s the right mindset for a teacher.

To become obsolete.

Like good parents do.

They can still offer advice, mentorship, and support. But when their students leave, they know they can walk their own path.

Alone. Confident. Ready.

What If?

I’ve often asked myself: What if I hadn’t left Greece? Would I have ever stopped taking classes? Would I have known when to stop? Would I ever feel ready?

And if not, would my teacher ever have told me… “You don’t need to take classes anymore. Just go and dance. Find your own Tango.”?

I like to think he would. I believe he already did with some of his students.

The million-dollar question

So, how long does someone need to take classes before they’re ready to transition to the dancer phase? I know there’s no single answer. It depends on your time, effort, and mindset. So let’s ask it differently:

What do you need to know or feel to make that transition?

And yes, before you say it… I know: you never stop learning.

You’re always a student in some way.

Like you are always someone’s child until you lose them.

But early in your journey, learning is the main focus. Later, learning still happens, but it becomes secondary. You attend more milongas than classes. You go to workshops, seminars, practicas, but less often. You’re still learning, but the pace slows down, and the effect of each new insight becomes more subtle.

You?

So what about you? Which stage are you in?

And if you’re a teacher, I’d love to hear your take: When do you encourage your students to leave the nest and start their own journey?

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango is none other than my favourite when it comes to discussions about students. Enjoy!

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