Old and new shadows

A simple quiz for starters

In this post, I want to discuss… Shadows. Not the ones created by light hitting an object, but the ones we keep inside us.

But before we go there, let’s start with a short quiz:

What if a person is aggressive? Would you say aggressiveness is a good or a bad trait?

Think about it for a minute… I’ll wait.

If you said aggressiveness is a bad trait, let me ask you again: what if a soldier tells you they are aggressive? How about now? Is aggressiveness good or bad?

This little example shows that there are no inherently “good” or “bad” traits. It all depends on the context. Yet for some reason… culture, upbringing, social norms, etc., we learn to categorise traits that way.

What is the shadow

We are all a complex cocktail of traits. Some are stronger, some are weaker, but everyone has their own mix.

Here’s the catch: many of us also have a second cocktail. A cocktail we never drink. A cocktail of traits we believe are “bad”. We never touch it. But the truth is, our mix is never complete without those hidden ingredients.

That is the shadow.

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The term was coined by psychologist Carl Jung and refers to the parts of ourselves that we suppress or hide, often because society wouldn’t approve or our families would judge. As children, we express them freely, but as we grow, we learn to push them down.

The problem is that the shadow doesn’t disappear. The more we suppress it, the more it grows in the dark, and eventually, it can burst out in uncontrollable ways. This is one of the common roots of a midlife crisis. At the same time, if we learn to recognise and integrate our shadow, it can also become a source of growth, depth and creativity.

The Tango Shadow

For many years in Tango, dancers were pushed into roles that didn’t necessarily fit their traits. Women started as followers, men as leaders, just because that was the rule. That was the expectation.

Many dancers ended up suppressing parts of themselves to conform. The result? Unhappy dancers carrying a huge shadow inside them.

Thankfully, that has changed. The revolution around roles and gender in Tango has set people free. Anyone can lead, anyone can follow. We can try, explore, and decide. This freedom has lifted a heavy shadow and made space for more authentic, happier dancers.

But what if we are on our way to setting up conditions for new shadows to come up?

The new shadow

There’s a trend I very much support: in many schools, new dancers learn both roles. I wish I had done this too when I started learning. The benefits are huge. More musicality, empathy, flexibility and the list can go on.

But sometimes, this comes with an implicit expectation to dance both roles socially. In the previous post, I wondered how authentic it feels to dance in a role that doesn’t sit comfortably with you.

And here’s the deeper issue: the old shadow was created by a social expectation (men lead, women follow). But what if we simply replace that expectation with a new one? “Everyone dances both roles.” Couldn’t this create a new kind of shadow?

Is it possible that we might end up with dancers who lead when they actually prefer to follow, or who follow when they’d rather lead?

Can and want

Yes, it’s true that everyone can dance both roles. That’s not in question. But shadows aren’t created by what we cannot do. Shadows are born from the things we can do but don’t want to. Things we do because we feel we should, not because we desire them. Things we do because we want to fit in in a social environment.

So what is the message that we want to have as a guiding light in the new social environment we aspire to form?

Is it?.. “Everyone can dance both roles, so they should.”

Or is it?… “Everyone can learn both roles, so that they can choose the one they want.”

Avoiding new shadows

Granted… the old shadows were heavy, tied to rigid gender norms. The new shadow may be lighter, but it can still weigh us down if we let expectations replace freedom.

Learning both roles is empowering. Practising both roles is enriching. But choosing which role makes you feel most alive… that’s what keeps your dance authentic.

Otherwise, we may succeed in getting rid of the old shadows… only to create new ones in their place.

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango is a piece from Osvaldo Puglises, which for me seems to capture this sensation of shadows. It is dominated by a strong, aggressive rhythm, which, for a moment, allows for some rays of light to escape.

So how about you? Do you know your shadows? Do you feel any social pressure to conform to specific expectations in Tango?

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