Why are you rich?

Lucky rich a$$holes

I recently read the book “The Psychology of Money.” One of the first points the author explains is the importance of luck. He actually discusses this topic in the second chapter, emphasizing its influence on someone’s money journey.  Sometimes you see rich people and think it’s because of hard work and the right decisions. But we often neglect the importance of small, seemingly irrelevant facts that play a significant role in someone’s life. As an example, he mentions Bill Gates. You all know him. Right? However, did you know that in 1968 Bill Gates was one of the 300 students who attended the Lakeside School? Out of 18 million high school students who lived in the US (303 million worldwide), he had the luck to attend one of the few high schools that, at that time, had the combination of cash and foresight to buy a computer! At that time, that fact would have seemed insignificant. But in retrospect, think about the importance it played for his path. What if he didn’t go to this high school? What if the high school didn’t have a computer or what if he was not allowed to use it? Would he be the Bill Gates we all know today? Nobody knows. But this small seemingly unimportant event might be what set him on the track he finally followed.

In a video, I saw the other day about why rich people often become terrible personalities (a$$holes) one of the points made is the following. The problem is that many of the rich people do not seem to acknowledge random events of luck that had an impact on them. They believe that they achieved their wealth just because of their hard work and good decisions. This leads to the bias that anyone can make it like they did. This belief makes them think that the rest of the world is not poor but incompetent, stupid, or simply lazy. They may not see the advantage one small random event can add to their life. As a result, they might think everyone else is not as good as them. They might believe this is so because those others did not put in the effort, although they could.

This in turn justifies arrogant behavior. You think you are better than others because you have more money because you worked hard and you are smart. You see everyone else as useless and pathetic. You think they are not smart or hard-working enough. This justifies you being rude, arrogant, irrespective, or simply put an a$$hole to them.

Tango rich snobs

A few months ago, I wrote a text. I was wondering if there is a special charisma or gene that I have that helped me in developing my musicality. I suggested back then that there may be some influence from the environment which helped me progress in that direction. I was arguing that this was not enough. You need to work to improve the skill or advantage you might have.  Reading the book made me realize that the small elements I mentioned from my life are significant. They might not be so small in the end. Maybe they are a unique combination of events which, in the end, result in an advantage like the one Bill Gates had.

However, there are plenty of advanced dancers out there who would judge lower-level dancers as lazy. They think these dancers are not willing enough to progress. Sometimes they forget key, yet seemingly irrelevant factors that helped them in their journey. They forget that they might have had experience with an activity that helped in body awareness before starting Tango. Or that they might have started at a younger age. Or perhaps they had an advanced dancer friend who helped in their progress. You see, everyone’s journey is different but we tend to think that everyone’s journey is like ours.

The problem is when we judge others based on our journey and our standards. We label others as lazy, not willing enough, or simply useless. We see them as beyond any potential progress. This judgement of other dancers based on our experience is what leads many advanced dancers to elitist behaviours. We become cold and unapproachable. We become irrelevant. In the end, we appear like an a$$hole in the eyes of fellow dancers (especially those of lower levels).

Judgement without empathy

Moreover, we forget to apply the restrictions or obstacles that others might have in our case. It is very easy to learn an activity related to body awareness when you are in your 20s. However, it is harder if you are over 40 and have less than optimal physical condition. This becomes even more challenging without any previous experience in similar activities. Or can you imagine yourself going to 3 milongas, 2 practices and 2 lessons per week having 2 children to take care of? Maybe you cannot understand how difficult it is for a pensioner with financial limitations to attend the seminars you do. You cannot grasp how they let such an opportunity go by, but you have a good-paying job and enough income to not think of such issues.

It is very easy to say this dancer doesn’t want to improve. But how easy is it to understand why they can’t? To be open and hear them when they don’t speak. It is difficult to admit personal difficulties to someone. Even more so if that person is a random acquaintance from a Tango class or a milonga. But here is the paradox. We take pride that an advanced Tango dancer knows how to listen to their partner. They have empathy. They understand how their partner feels even without a word spoken. But… I wonder… Why don’t we show this empathy as human beings outside of the dance? Why can’t we hear the other person’s problems even if they don’t say a word? I wonder… can you be able to read those signs in the dance when outside of it you don’t care about them? Or is this so-called empathy of advanced dancers just a packaging applied only to the dance and nowhere else? Is it just a shiny cover on an empty box?

The cure

I am not innocent myself. I do judge people all the time. If you read some of my posts are highly judgemental. It is a habit of our minds. It is the way our minds work to spend less effort thinking. But after 200 posts and lots of discussions, I now come back and ask myself. Why? Why did I judge this person as X Y Z? Is it possible that they were maybe luckier than me? Is it possible that they ignore it? Or is it possible that I was at some point luckier than this other person?

After reading this chapter of the “Psychology of Money”, I can’t stop thinking. How lucky I was in some aspects of my Tango journey and how unlucky I was in others? I also started seeing this all over the place. People judging others everywhere, all the time. As soon as we form an opinion, we immediately become judgmental. It doesn’t matter what the opinion is. We judge everyone and everything else.

Fortunately, there is a cure to all this. And it is a simple but hard one. Curiosity. Ask questions. Ask yourself. Ask others. Be curious. Be genuinely curious. Just try to see how the other person sees the world. Who knows? Maybe you will discover something new. A different perspective. A new opinion. Maybe you will discover how lucky you are. Or maybe someone else will discover how lucky they are. In the end, the point is not to judge. It is to see the path that others followed and understand what makes your journey unique. Only then will you realize and appreciate your luck and understand the misfortune or luck of others. Only then you will stop comparing and judging others and rather start exploring and navigating this unbelievably variant world!

So here is a note to myself and to whoever else managed to read up to this point!

Be curious! Stay curious… and never stop exploring!

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango tell the story of a poor girl who became rich and lost connection with her past. It is not clear how she became rich. However, her attitude bears a lot of similarities with the rich lucky persons discussed in this post.

So, how about you? Have you ever considered yourself lucky in your Tango journey? What event contributed to this luck? How do you see other dancers who might not have the same luck? Let me know…

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