It’s not the Tandas you dance

I don’t like Biagi!

I’ll start with my unpopular opinion.
I don’t like Biagi… Or Valses.
(But strangely enough, I don’t mind a Vals by Biagi!)

Usually, these are the moments I take a break in the milonga. Of course, there are exceptions, but that’s not the point. The real question is: how did I end up here?
And how do we all, at some point, end up in similar situations?

Rejections in Tango

This question came to me after analysing the results from the survey about rejections in Tango, which focused on how we handle them and what they mean. There were quite a few interesting insights that came out of it. If you want to check them out, you can find the whole series of four videos here.

The survey mostly focused on what happens when we receive a no.
But that’s only half of the story. The other half is the no’s we give.
Why do we say no to some dances, and what do these rejections say about us?

When we say no

A few weeks ago, I asked my Facebook community a question:

“Do you ever avoid dancing with people you disagree with on issues unrelated to the dance?”

The answers were fascinating.
Many admitted that yes… they do. Sometimes, it was because of gossip, sometimes because of tension, or simply because someone had commented negatively about them in the past.

Even if we’d like to think that we keep personal matters out of the milonga, we don’t. Our personalities, our preferences, and our values inevitably influence our choices on the dance floor. And that’s perfectly human.

So yes, we do reject dancers for all sorts of reasons. And as the survey showed, learning to handle rejection gracefully is a survival skill. But how often do we reflect on the rejections we give?

💥In case you missed it💥
The Rejections in Tango survey results are out.
Watch them here before the next topic takes over.

The no’s we say define us

Around that time, I happened to read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. There’s one idea in it that really stayed with me:

The no’s we say define who we are.

Think about it. If a food critic says that every dish is delicious, how important is their opinion? If everything is good, then nothing truly stands out.

It’s the same in life. If we never say no… if we accept every idea, every invitation, every dance… what do we actually stand for?
Without rejection, there’s no identity.
Without limits, there’s no shape.

It’s not the tandas you dance

When I started dancing, I said yes to almost everything… every orchestra, every rhythm, every partner, every tanda. Now, I find myself having a taste. There are certain orchestras I don’t mind saying no to.
Certain dancers.
Certain events.

We all start curious, open, and eager to experience everything. But as we grow, we develop taste… and taste is built on rejection.
No to music we don’t connect with.
No to dancers we don’t feel comfortable with.
No to events that don’t align with our values.
Each of those no’s adds up to something.

Our personality.
Our identity.
Our Tango.

So if you want to discover who you are, look at your no’s.
Ask yourself why you reject what you reject.
Because in the end…

It’s not the tandas you dance.
It’s the tandas you don’t dance.

These are the ones that define who you are.

If you enjoy ideas like this one, you’ll love the design it inspired… a wink to those who know there’s more to Tango than meets the eye.

Tonight’s Goodnight Tango

As I said… I don’t like Biagi and Vals, but I don’t mind a Vals by Biagi. So here is one for Tonight’s Goodnight Tango

So… how about you? Have you ever asked yourself why you say no? What does it mean for you?

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